Growing Up... Letting Go

Today my baby took a tour of a Kindergarten classroom. MY BABY!!! As long as I can remember I wanted to be a Mom. Since I was a little girl playing with my babies, barbies, and then babysitting, I wanted to be the Mom. In college I saw my sisters having babies, 1, then 2, then 3, then 4... I was dating, but he was slow to make the Marriage Move. I held them, spoiled them, and dreamed of the day I would be holding my own. When I finally got pregnant God gave me twins, 1 for me and 1 for my Mother in-law. She waited way to long for a grandchild and I waited a long time to have a baby, so the only fair thing was to give us 2. I thank Him everyday for that act of genius!!! Fast forward... 2 more children later and my baby is getting ready for Kindergarten!!!

We went to visit a friends classroom (a Daycare Mom) and he sat at the back in a little chair watching everything. All I could imagine was him sitting on the rug, raising his hands and participating like these BIG kids were. Am I going through Empty Nest already?? It's only just beginning. I mean Jack and Cal will be going off to Middle School next year. We will be entering the teen years before I know it. We all know how morose teenage boys can be :)

Ryan wasn't a planned baby... not an accident exactly, but definitely a surprise. A heavenly surprise for me. I drank him in. Even though we thought our family was complete, he fit right in. We can't imagine life without him. We moved to NC when he was just a year old and we haven't separated since. He has been home with me since birth. No daycare, no playgroups, no nursery school, and no preschool. I opened my Family Home Childcare and he has stayed with me throughout. I am glad. Watching him today... he has just enough trepidation, just enough confidence, and a whole lot of humor. Watching my boy navigate his way through a new situation was eye opening... That what I am doing is alright. He is learning and is happy.

So, I have my Baby (who, as I know being the Baby of my family, will ALWAYS be my baby) for a few more months. A time I will drink in, savor, and count as a Blessing. I will watch him grow even more, learn new things, and get even more excited about Kindergarten. During this time I will continue the process of letting go... A process I have been having a problem with since the birth of my children.

Monster Jam

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We had a great time at the Monster Jam Rally in Charlotte. The big boys really enjoyed the loudness and fast pace, but Ryan really didn't like it so much. He lasted until the intermission and then was ready to go. So he and I went out to the hall and hung out. We walked around, bought some drinks, and then waited for the rest of the family. Thankfully Glenn came out and relieved me so I could see the end of it. After we went to Monster Jam we went to a interesting little set of stores and had some ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery!! Yum!!! I always have room for ice cream!!!

You always have expectations for family outings like this, at least I know I usually do. I try not to, but you can't help it. You buy the tickets, everyone is soooo excited and then the day comes. That is when the whining starts... "What we have to get dressed NOW??!!" "I don't want to brush my hair, why do I have to, I look fine!!" "I can't find my shoes, money, etc..." So, it starts off tense. Glenn and I try to stay calm, we know they will be fine and calm down enough to enjoy themselves. Which happens... we get to the pizza place and we have a lot of fun laughing and enjoying each others company. We get into the arena and someones ear plugs won't fit right, and we have to pout and stomp, someone else got soda and the other didn't, and we can't forget the trips to the bathroom... then AHHHH... it starts... we can relax and watch right??? NO!!! Another trip to the bathroom, it's too noisy, I want that... it goes on and on!!!

But, you see it wasn't just us. It was a lot of people there that day. That's how it is with kids. They are little human beings with likes, dislikes, wants and needs same as me. They just don't have to self control yet like we (at least most of us anyway) do. I keep saying to myself, the joys out weigh the negatives. They do... the hugs, the smiles, the "Thanks DAD!!! That was the BEST!!" the look of chocolate all over someones mouth as he smiles huge!! These are why we did it, this is why having these Wonderful, Bright, Sassy, Spunky, Bratty, Whiny, Energetic, Happy, Healthy boys is all about!!! I am glad we did it, and believe it or not... We will put ourselves through it again. Over and Over and Over Again. We can't stop ourselves, those Smiles are addicting :)