Today my baby took a tour of a Kindergarten classroom. MY BABY!!! As long as I can remember I wanted to be a Mom. Since I was a little girl playing with my babies, barbies, and then babysitting, I wanted to be the Mom. In college I saw my sisters having babies, 1, then 2, then 3, then 4... I was dating, but he was slow to make the Marriage Move. I held them, spoiled them, and dreamed of the day I would be holding my own. When I finally got pregnant God gave me twins, 1 for me and 1 for my Mother in-law. She waited way to long for a grandchild and I waited a long time to have a baby, so the only fair thing was to give us 2. I thank Him everyday for that act of genius!!! Fast forward... 2 more children later and my baby is getting ready for Kindergarten!!!
We went to visit a friends classroom (a Daycare Mom) and he sat at the back in a little chair watching everything. All I could imagine was him sitting on the rug, raising his hands and participating like these BIG kids were. Am I going through Empty Nest already?? It's only just beginning. I mean Jack and Cal will be going off to Middle School next year. We will be entering the teen years before I know it. We all know how morose teenage boys can be :)
Ryan wasn't a planned baby... not an accident exactly, but definitely a surprise. A heavenly surprise for me. I drank him in. Even though we thought our family was complete, he fit right in. We can't imagine life without him. We moved to NC when he was just a year old and we haven't separated since. He has been home with me since birth. No daycare, no playgroups, no nursery school, and no preschool. I opened my Family Home Childcare and he has stayed with me throughout. I am glad. Watching him today... he has just enough trepidation, just enough confidence, and a whole lot of humor. Watching my boy navigate his way through a new situation was eye opening... That what I am doing is alright. He is learning and is happy.
So, I have my Baby (who, as I know being the Baby of my family, will ALWAYS be my baby) for a few more months. A time I will drink in, savor, and count as a Blessing. I will watch him grow even more, learn new things, and get even more excited about Kindergarten. During this time I will continue the process of letting go... A process I have been having a problem with since the birth of my children.
f is for feelings
2 months ago